Respectability politics are deadly garbage no matter what form they take.
Someone asked us:
My boyfriend really wants to try anal but I am just not interested for a number of reasons. I know some women love it, which is great, its just not for me. I have told him point blank that I am not interested but he won’t drop it. What should I do?
You’ve set a very important limit with your boyfriend, and it’s not okay that he continues to test that boundary. It’s never alright for ANYONE to pressure you into sexual activity. Period.
In a healthy relationship, partners make sure they have their partner’s *enthusiastic* consent before having sex. If someone has to be nagged and worn down in order to agree to a sex act, they are being coerced. And let’s be clear: coerced sex is rape. So whenever a partner doesn’t or can’t give consent, then the discussion is closed.
Don’t feel like you have to give in to your boyfriend’s nagging; trust your feelings and only do what you’re comfortable with. It sounds like you’ve been clear about your boundaries, so a next step might be to tell him how you feel when he doesn’t respect your decisions. If he’s still not respecting your feelings, it might be time to rethink your relationship. Pressuring a partner to do something sexual they don’t want to do and ignoring their boundaries is NOT okay. Another good resource to check out is loveisrespect— they have a ton of info on communication and healthy/unhealthy relationships.
-Mylanie at Planned Parenthood
antique-romantic
