cbiscuitblog can you comment
SURE. LET’S TRY THE LOVE SONG OF J. ALFRED PRUFROCK
Let us go then, you and I,
- At first, I thought this was just a terrible horse name, but then I thought: this is a racehorse, probably. ALL IT DOES IS GO. 9/10
When the evening is spread out against the sky
- Too much. Any horse named this is going to either read sad books about the fucking ocean all day or build a time machine to go back to the time of cowboys and shit. And then probably get cholera and die. 2/10
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
- FUCKING HEAVY METAL. But the ‘like’ makes it awkward. How would you even announce that? “Like, a patient etherized upon a table is at the gate? Like a patient etherized upon a table is raring to go. It’s a photo finish, but like a patient etherized upon a table won!” Rubbish. 8/10 for making those fucking announcers suffer.
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
- Okay but imagine a racing your horse through the empty streets of london against a fucking RACE CAR. FAST AND FURIOUS 18: THE HORSENING. 7/10
The muttering retreats
- No. No. No. No. No. No. No. The only possible benefit of this name is that it might confuse your opponent racers. YOU DON’T RETREAT IN A RACE. YOU BRAY AS LOUD AS YOU CAN (probably) AND TAKE TO THE FUCKING FIELD. 0/10
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
- I like this one because it rejects the horses lineage. Nah, this isn’t a fucking purebreed, I just put two random horses that were drunk at a bar in a goddamn hotel and watched what happened. Yeah. That’s right. I watched. 9/10
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
- What? I just… that’s not a name. that’s a series of nouns adjectives conjunctions prepositions and punction-things. I do like oyster tho. 5/10
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
- Okay, I like the streets, but tedious? Really? No. Your horse isn’t tedious. All horses are FUCKING RIVETING. 4/10
Of insidious intent
- Yep. 10/10
To lead you to an overwhelming question….
- WHAT QUESTION ARE YOU LEADING ME TO, HORSE? HOW YOU LEARN TO TALK? I DON’T WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU LEARNED TO TALK, HORSE, THERE ARE THINGS MAN WASN’T MEANT TO KNOW. 7/10
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
- This is perfect is you have a fucking weird horse. 8/10
Let us go and make our visit.
- Only really appropriate if you use this horse to go meet up with friends. You’re just sitting with your room and they’ll be like, “I want to go see Jeff, but I don’t know how to get there!” And you’ll be like “LET US GO AND MAKE OUR VISIT” and your horse will buRST THROUGH THE FUCKING DOOR WEARING A FUCKING BEAUTIFUL-ASS CAPE 11/10
This is astounding. Trigger warning for rape, obviously, but read it if you can stomach it. Just wow.
aki1112