In fact, I fear I am a jack-of-all-trades. (Posts tagged don't care about either of them)

Anonymous asked:

Tom does not respect Taylor. She put out too soon. He will marry a wholesome girl.

My dear Miss Nonny:

How do you in Nonnyland? Here we are having a very hot and uncomfortable summer, but thankfully in the last few days we have been blessed with a delicious cool breeze.

It pains me to see you so concerned about Miss Swift’s reputation. How immensely thoughtful you are to take such pains in enquiring about a young lady that is merely a passing acquaintance of yours.

But fear not, my friend, because I can assure you that the situation is not as dire as it sounds. It’s true that a few weeks ago, when we first learned that Ms. Swift had eloped with Mr. Hiddleston, we all believed they were going straight to Gretna Green to get married. We later knew that their travels had taken them elsewhere, and our concern for Miss Swift’s safety grew every passing day.

However, I happen to know now from very reputable sources that Miss Swift’s family and friends are taking every possible measure to see this situation arranged without delay. In fact, as I write to you Mr. Swift has send a relative of his entire confidence to London, in search of Miss Swift and Mr. Hiddleston; and this relative has promised he will not return until he has seen them properly married.

I can confide in you, my dear Miss Nonny, that I have the firm conviction that the issue will be resolved soon in the most satisfactory way. After all, Miss Swift is a very accomplished young lady: not only is she sufficiently beautiful, sweet and sensible; she has also had the benefit of a good education, being well versed in all the arts, but especially in music, singing and dancing. And let us not forget that she has an income of seventy million a year, and very likely more! Any young man, from London or from the countryside, would call himself lucky to join in matrimony a young lady of such excellent prospects.

But perhaps your concern on the matter comes from your mistrust of Mr. Hiddleston’s character. To this I must again answer you with reassuring words. Although I don’t have the pleasure of being acquainted with the gentleman in person, every report I’ve had of him and his family has been impeccable. In case you haven’t heard it already, I must let you know that the young man attended Eton College in his youth; and then Cambridge University, where he became greatly versed in the Classics. Besides, he has a sizeable income of his own, which dispels those alarming rumours of him being a fortune hunter that some uncouth people have been spreading all around the country. All of his acquaintances speak wonders of his gentle humour and amiable character, and I have to say that he would be the last man in England of whom I would expect a villainy of any kind.

Undoubtedly, a gentleman of such high character and respectability would never have the audacity of taking a lady away from her friends and family without the intention of making her his wife. Under this circumstances the elopement can only be due to a moment of foolishness and, I dare say, an excess of passion, that I am sure will be placated as soon as they are properly joined in Holy Matrimony.

I sincerely hope this letter will find you well, and I expect it will also quench all your fears. I will pass your kind regards to Mrs. Swift, who, despite being justly concerned about her daughter’s welfare and respectability, shares with me and with all of her friends the undying hope that this unfortunate adventure will end very soon in the most satisfactory way.

You must promise to visit the next time you’re in Spain. I trust that the situation will be resolved by then and we will be able to raise a glass to the health of the newly married couple.

My duty to all your family, and especially to your dear aunt Mrs. Incognito.

Ever your friend,
Violet Hunter.

Madrid, July 14th, year of Our Lord 1816.