By Mallory Ortberg on The Toast
MONK #1: do birds have meetings
MONK #2: absolutely
they have a Meeting Hat and everything
MONK #1: what do they have meetings about
MONK #2: mostly who gets to wear the meeting hat
MONK #1: do human women sleep in beds...
"Ah, you brought me a naughty book"
“Well, it’s about two people that stop time when they have sex”
“So, do they have sex in a bank’s washroom then rob it then run back to the washroom and pretend they were innocent?”
“Pretty much.”
“That’s fun.”
-Margaret Atwood (paraphrased) on my gift of Sex Criminals to her.
OH MY GOD.
i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake
fabulous
i mean they did also kill jesus. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill jesus.
Anonymous asked:
So your blog is mainly about cats and hating men? Sounds like a cliché, old cat lady in a novel. Lonely, sad life
floozys-deactivated20180908 answered:
this is me calling the police
antique-romantic
