john gaius is the funniest character in the locked tomb tbh. he's such a fuckin clown. he's literally just some dude. he got magic death powers one day and proceeded to astronomically fuck everything else up from there. he was a twitch streamer. he projects his ennui onto cows. his goal was to stop the trillionaires from fucking off and leaving everyone else on earth to die, but somehow managed to literally kill every human being on the planet and STILL let the trillionaires escape. he gave the earth form from his own flesh and panicked and made her look like barbie. he then locked barbie in a top secret underground tomb and told everyone else he killed her (he didn't). he was very confident that this plan was eternally foolproof until he was bested by a 10 year old lesbian nun. he resurrected all of his dead besties and made them think that he was their god, mostly just for fun. he's so goddamn horny that he was tricked into TWO SEPARATE EVIL THREESOMES. he named himself John Earth. he's my worstie and my silly rabbit and i'm obsessed with him
hawberries
