NOT TO BE THE WHINIEST WHINER IN WHINEVILLE but they’ve already declared a PARKING BAN on major streets (OF WHICH I LIVE ON), a travel ban past midnight and my roommate texted me to warn me that the power is BASICALLY guaranteed to go out for the next billion hours so like, PLEASE POUR ONE OUT for your girl, an angry little mess with NO HOBBIES that don’t involve the internet.
SHOULD I JUST JERK OFF UNTIL THE SNOW’S OVER? AM I SUPPOSED TO READ A PHYSICAL PAPER BOOK BY CANDLELIGHT? IS THIS 1782 AND I’M BIDDY TUESDAZE? GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M SO ANGRY I CAN’T HIRE A BLIZZARD HOOKER TO COME OVER AND PASS THE TIME PLEASANTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WRITE THAT FANFICTION, NERDS.
Sexy blizzard hooker winks and removes all thirty-two layers, carefully hanging them on coat hooks and over towel racks to dry. The standard-issue sexy blizzard hooker snow boots dry seductively on the newspaper placed by the front door. “Oh, the fun we can have by candlelight,” sexy blizzard hooker remarks, crawling under the bed to pull out a dust-covered monopoly box.
hawberries
