kitton mittens
my sister-in-law, who has no kids and does not spend time around children ever, decided she wanted to take my kids on an “outing” yesterday. (she sees them like 4 times a year usually). she took them to some weird historical u.s. military fort museum thing, it’s like a big compound with like 15 buildings enclosed by a fence. anyway my 5-yr-old saw one of those red metal fire alarm boxes on the wall and asked his aunt “what does that say?”
now the correct answer to this question, in my opinion, would be “that is a fire alarm. we only touch fire alarms if there is a fire. if there is a fire, you would pull the handle and it would make a very loud noise so that other people know to get out of the building.”
according to several reliable sources, my sister-in-law’s answer to the question was, “it says ‘pull.’”
so anyway that’s how they managed to evacuate all 15 buildings at the museum and why this is probably their last “outing” for a while.
the minute long compilation of every time sweet dee gags on always sunny that you never knew you wanted.
BANDOM GOTHIC
- thousands of men enter your life. they are just belts.
- nothing is clandestine. the bathearts hear your secrets and carry them with you wherever they go.
- wrds dnt hv vwls anmr nd nvr wll agn
- ryland and alex are the latest to enter the basement. it isn’t actually warmer there, they are never heard from again.
- panic at the disco wear makeup, you wear makeup. panic at the disco wear waistcoats, you wear waistcoats. panic at the disco is slowly disappearing, you are already half gone.
- the exclamation point is inside you. it curls into a question mark, asking should it stay. you don’t know if you like it or not.
- frank iero lives inside a tulip on your windowsill. he is so small but he thinks he is big. you fear you will crush him one day.
- the cab is only alexes. it is a legion of alexes. you will assimilate. you are alex.
- the stage itself is gay
- words mysteriously appear on your throat in handwriting that is not yours. you are not a gazelle, but you will become one soon
- gabe saporta and greta salpeter are dating. you dont understand why.
- ur sidekick keyboard opens. from that another flips open, an endless staircase of keyboards. ur fingers are 2 sad to type any.
- “brother noooooo!” you scream, waking from a nightmare in a cold sweat, a knife sticking out of ur chest.
- it is raining and you are shivering. dyw does not invite you inside. you will die unloved and your work will die with you.
- you drop brent off at home. he disappears from ur sight. u go to the door. his mom says brent has been dead for 80 yrs.
- you are william beckett’s secret child. you never knew.
- the year is 2006. 2006 was 10 years ago. the year is 2006. 2006 was 80 years ago. the year is 2006. 2006 was 200 years ago.
- when u were a young boy ur father took u into the city to see a marching band
credit rubdown mostly and also me
knightingale-s
