In fact, I fear I am a jack-of-all-trades.

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
vukwanrik
standupcomedyblog

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

killbenedictcumberbatch

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

danteogodofsoup

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

ohhowlucky

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

invisiblespork

[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited. 

Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright? 

Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…

BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’

Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.

And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’ 

They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]

always reblog
trcunning
cannibalcoalition

Remember that time when Pence made a last minute decision to not sign an application for a grant that would have made preschool in Indiana more accessible and help fix our crumbling infrastructure?

cannibalcoalition

Remember that stern letter that a bunch of big businesses in Indiana wrote to Pence because he signed a law that was discouraging business from both within and without the state of Indiana?

cannibalcoalition

Oh, and that time that Pence caused an HIV outbreak in rural Indiana because the only clinic that did HIV testing was a Planned Parenthood and his fixation on defunding reproductive rights caused it to close- even though that particular clinic didn’t even offer abortion services?

cannibalcoalition

And then there’s the “Pence Must Go” signs all over central Indiana…

cannibalcoalition

And who could forget the time that he planned on using taxpayer dollars to fund a news outlet because he couldn’t control the negative image surrounding him from the press.

cannibalcoalition

What about the time that the FEC had to rewrite laws to prevent challenging candidates from using campaign funds for personal use because Mike Pence used 30% of his campaign funds on mortgage payments and golf tournaments?

cannibalcoalition

And who else remembers when they were giving states a chance to individually tailor their Clean Energy laws to fit the needs of the state and Pence just said ‘no’ and didn’t offer any alternative?

cannibalcoalition

Hey, what about that time that Pence stated that condoms were ‘too modern’ of a solution to HIV and STI prevention and that abstinence was the best choice?

Remember also that 49% of pregnancies in Indiana are unintended, and that out of 1000 teenagers, an average of 49 will become pregnant before they age of 19. And that STI cases have reached record rates for the state of Indiana.

cannibalcoalition

Oh! Remember when Pence went against the advice of legal professionals and signed a good number of laws that mean that you are classified as a drug dealer (whether proven or not) if you are found with a certain quantity of drugs in your possession, and increased the minimum sentence to ten years- even when it was argued by many legal sources that the best way to combat drug use is rehabilitation and not incarceration?

cannibalcoalition

How about the time that he campaigned heavily against raising the minimum wage to match neighboring states, even though an overwhelming majority of Hoosiers polled said that they support a $9/hr wage and approximately 93000 residents of the state bring home less than $300 a week?

lillivati

Or that time he stripped the office of state superintended of all its meaningful power because he didn’t like who won.  (More.)

That person being Glenda Ritz, who by the way, received more votes than Pence.

cannibalcoalition

Of course, I thought that it needed no mention, but who could ever forget the national embarrassment that was the RFRA laws, which allowed business-owners to refuse service to people if they felt ‘religiously burdened,’ which essentially boiled down to discriminating people who are part of the LGBTQ community. 

cannibalcoalition

And you know I’d love to rant about Mike Pence all day long, but for those of you who want a more comprehensive list of how incompetent he’s been as our governor, this one sums it up pretty nicely and has sources! 

cannibalcoalition

Oh, but don’t take my word for it: here’s another masterpost of all this and more. 

cannibalcoalition

And just in case you thought he was done being awful- how about the time that Pence and Trump made a visit to Louisiana despite the fact that politicians were asked NOT to visit the flooded areas for essentially photo ops because its a further strain on resources? Meanwhile, South Bend IN is currently experiencing a flood where a visit would not be a negative impact the resources, but a photo op in Baton Rouge is more important somehow. 

cannibalcoalition

Also seemingly less important than an unwelcome photo op is the soil in East Chicago, IN- which has a lead content 30 times what is considered unsafe levels for children to be in contact with. This comes from a man whose initial decision not to run for President was based on his ‘need to focus on his home state.’ 

cannibalcoalition

Of course, everyone remembers how the RFRA, a law that was written in the spirit of LGBTQ discrimination, was strongly protested but signed anyway. No one could have possibly guessed that people would try to use it to justify child abuse- except for literally every person who protested. 

cannibalcoalition

But to put a little more levity in this post, Purvi Patel’s sentence of feticide has been reduced to ‘child neglect’ and she’s out of jail. So that’s good news! 


Of course, injustices like these haven’t stopped radical anti-choice laws from being signed in during the entire run of the controversy. 

politics
cacchieressa

ACA Enrollment

craxy

SIGNAL BOOST PLEASE!

In light of what happened last night, I wanted to make sure everyone knows:

If you get your health coverage via the Affordable Care Act, and you enroll in a Qualifying Health Plan for 2017 by the end of the current Open Enrollment period (January 31, 2017), you will have coverage through the end of calendar year 2017. The GOP will probably prioritize repealing the Act, so who knows what happens for 2018, but there are laws in place which ensure that you’ll keep your 2017 coverage.

If your situation dictates, PLEASE make sure you’re enrolled in a QHP before the end of Open Enrollment. 

craxy

Update: In order to ensure you’e covered throughout 2017, make sure you’re enrolled by DECEMBER 15, 2016

boost for anyone who might need it
makingthenoise
st4rlabsforever

i need Cisco meeting all the DCEU heroes – Supergirl, Superman, etc. – and absolutely fangirling over all of them. and it seems to work in reverse, too, because Cisco is basically superhero catnip, and before he knows it, 90% of the contacts in his phone are heroes and his weekends consist of Netflix marathons with Nightwing and J’onn J’onzz

and an increasingly frantic and jealous Barry is standing in the corner like “??????? but i was the first superhero he knew??????”

artist-who-doesnt-paint

image

Oh, it’s actually true.Look at Barry’s face

st4rlabsforever

wow this show should just hire me

poor barry cisco getting to meet a bunch of superheroes not actually implicated in his brother's death must be a bummer for him lol did that sound bitter? IT WAS the flash supergirl
karaz01
reclaimingasia

A white: but saying Asians are naturally smart is POSITIVE discrimination:)))

Me: The model minority myth was invented by whites as a tool of antiblackness to create divisions between communities of color and prove that ‘anyone can succeed in America if they just TRY hard enough!!1!’ thereby implying that antiblackness is black ppl’s own fault for not TRYING enough. Additionally, it relies on false interpretations of data and hurts the opportunities of all Asians, particularly less privileged ones, and dehumanizes Asians by furthering stereotypes of us as some kind of innately robot-like monolithic-minded hive, devalues our individual accomplishments and uses us as a tool to further antiblackness

kevtor

i love this post

bibberly

As a teacher, I can say with certainty that “smart” stereotypes are absolutely not positive for my Asian students. A few things I’ve heard repeatedly:

- Asian student gets the highest grade on a test; other students say, “Well, of course he/she got an A.” Any work the student did is minimized because it’s assumed perfect scores come naturally.

- Asian student is in a class for lower-performing students; other students question aloud whether he/she is really Asian and/or in the right class.

- Asian student gives a wrong answer in an advanced class; other Asian kids say, “You can’t be on our team anymore.” White kids say, “You’re one of us today.” Jokes ensue.

- Teachers complain that Asian students did poorly on district or state tests. Actual quote: “With a name like that, he should have brought up our class average.”

Those are just some of the most common comments, but there are many others. There is no way this stereotype is positive for these kids.

asiangreaser

As an Asian,I can confirm that all those things listed above is something I’ve heard of or experienced way too many times despite my ability and capability to perform academically.

model minority is bullshit