In fact, I fear I am a jack-of-all-trades.

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
just-katarin angelsaves
dingdongyouarewrong

remember the wayside school books those were fucked up

dingdongyouarewrong

remember that one chapter where a new student came to the class and was wearing like 10 different raincoats and the teacher kept making him take off the raincoats one by one until they got down to the final layer and it was just a dead rat

shiftingpath

some other truly exceptional Wayside moments:

-Paul keeps pulling Leslie’s pigtails so he gets sent to the counsellor’s office. The counsellor is a hypnotist named Doctor Pickell, and he hypnotizes Paul into thinking Leslie’s pigtails are snakes. Because he’s a troll, he also hypnotizes Paul into believing Leslie’s ears are delicious candy whenever Leslie says the word “pencil”.

-The class is taken over by the son of hated ex-teacher Mrs. Gorf. Because they killed his mom he uses his superpower of stealing people’s voices to steal their voices and call their parents to say how much each individual student hates their family. The students are forced to listen in silence, crying. (They are saved by the cafeteria lady.)

-Benjamin is too nervous and awkward to correct Mrs Jewls when she gets his name wrong, so he goes by “Mark Miller” for months. He finally says his real name to a substitute teacher. Everyone thinks it’s a great prank and also go by Benjamin for the whole day, including the teacher.

-Louis the yard teacher falls in love with substitute teacher Miss Nogard. She has a third ear on top of her head that allows her to listen to people’s thoughts.

-Joe is the only student to order the potato salad one day. The face he draws in it looks like Mrs. Gorf and she nearly turns Joe into an apple.

-Because Wayside School is 30 stories high, they installed elevators. One only went up and the other only went down, so they got used once and never again.

-Allison gets stuck on the 19th story, which doesn’t exist. Nobody else can see, hear, or remember her. The 19th chapter is three chapters long.

morbidmanatee

My favorite genre of children’s story is “This would be horror if the characters were adults”

wayside school
allofthefeelings taraljc
ryannightnightbergara

if the next big fanfic trope isn’t ‘we had a maybe-fake-maybe-not marriage 26 years ago and i just realized that we never bothered to check if it was legally binding’ i’m suing all of you

chrringoftheprintingmachine

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Originally posted by odjnsons

Tony/Rhodey this is absolutely something they did that they would only find out about when Tony and Pepper are trying to get their marriage license and Pepper would refuse to be a homewrecker because she knows how much Tony and Rhodey mean to each other but Rhodey is so excited for Tony and Pepper's wedding and Tony loves them both so much and anyway this ends in an OT3 Tony/Pepper/Rhodey
humansofnewyork
“The second I started it was off to the races. I was twelve or thirteen. It’s the age you begin to realize that there’s some sort of norm. You notice there’s a fellowship of people who can engage with each other, and these people tend to act or dress...

“The second I started it was off to the races.  I was twelve or thirteen.  It’s the age you begin to realize that there’s some sort of norm.  You notice there’s a fellowship of people who can engage with each other, and these people tend to act or dress a certain way.  I yearned for social interactions.  I’d spend hours replaying certain situations, trying to figure out what to say or do differently.  I hated what I saw in the mirror.  And it didn’t help that I was a middle schooler in the closet.  I think the downers slowed me down to a train of thought I could handle.  They made me less inward focused.  I stole the alcohol from my parents.  And I’d sell shit from the house for the weed and pills, or coke, or even crack.  My parents couldn’t trust me for five minutes.  They put a pool alarm on my door.  Then they took the door off completely.  I told myself they were controlling and delusional, until finally I broke down crying and asked for help.  Next month will be three years sober.  In the program we have a saying: ‘If you follow the rules, you’ll get a life beyond your wildest dreams.’  It sounds a little ‘culty’ but it’s true.  Of course my wildest dreams weren’t the highest hopes.  I just wanted the ability to interact with people.  And I wanted people who care about me.  Now I have both, and it’s a beautiful thing.”